Well, let's play catch up, shall we?

Let's do just that.

2012 - you were such a terrible and wonderful year!  I went through a very painful divorce, watched my baby Lilly turn into a 1 year old, started back to college working on a teaching degree, and began a relationship with the most amazing man I've ever met.  

This blog was filled with emotionally-packed information throughout the past year.  And while I cannot honestly write without spilling my heart, I want a new direction this year.  You see, this year will be a year of restoration and setting things back in the right place.  This year will be a year to press forward and regain the territory taken from the enemy of the Christian faith.  This year is will be a year of pressing into the depths of the Father's heart and discovering His will for my life at every moment.  God began a work in me in the summer of 2012, and I am fully confident that I will see the fullness of that work in 2012.  So I am committing to seeing this blog take on a new life this year so that it may bring God more glory.  

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"Now godliness with contentment is great gain."  - 1 Timothy 6:6

This is how I'm starting out the year, with this verse.  Godliness is the act of living a good, reverent life towards God and others because of what Jesus has done in us.  It's our ever-growing attempt to become more like Jesus by being imitators of Christ (Eph. 5:1).  And for a godly woman, we have received instruction in 1 Peter 3:3-4, "Do not let your adornment be merely outward - arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel - rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."  Also in 1 Timothy 2:9-10, "...in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works."  And even more in 1 Timothy 3:11, "Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things."  I think I've painted a decent picture here of some of what the scripture says about what a godly woman looks like.  

Contentment is where I'm going to focus in on here.  The word means to be sufficient, to be enough, to be full.  Its a beautiful concept.  Contentment can only be found in God through His grace.  He is all sufficient, enough, and full.  Therefore, we can only find it in Him.  Paul tells us in Philippians 4:11, "Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content."  We are told in Hebrews 13:5, "Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have..."    This word contentment is also translated as sufficiency in the scriptures, as we see in II Corinthians 9:8, "And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having sufficiency in all things, may have abundance for every good work."  And in II Corinthians 12:9, when Jesus said, "...My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness..."  Contentment is the confidence of faith in God's sufficiency to provide all my needs and the confidence of the sufficiency of God's grace for every circumstance.  Basically to experience contentment is to experience God's peace.  

Now I am content and confident in God's sufficiency to provide my needs, as this has been an ongoing work that God has been developing in me throughout the past year.  So here is my confession:  I struggle with allowing God's grace to be sufficient for me in every circumstance.  It's something I always aspire to do, and put forth effort to do so.  But I believe that this key component is what God has means to accomplish in me this year.  The aspect of raising the unanswered questions and desires of my heart to God in every situation and allowing Him to just BE enough for me, to just BE content and allow God to fulfill that in me.   Its the ability to honestly tell God, "Thy will be done", and mean it.  I want to take every thought captive and bring it to the submission of Jesus Christ.  I want to take every desire, want, emotion in myself and turn around and give it right back to God to do with it as He pleases.  This is my goal this year.  This is what I aspire to accomplish this year.

"Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me."  -Philippians 3:12

I have two quotes which go hand in hand with this subject, that come from two amazing people.  Jim and Elizabeth Elliot.  If you have never heard their stories or read their books, I highly encourage you to.  Elizabeth Elliot has had a huge impact on my Christian walk and has been a huge inspiration to me as a godly woman over the years.  

"Help me, Lord, not to mourn or weep for those things, once precious, which you teach me are but dead (whether pleasures, desires, or whatever may be precious to my soul now), but give me a willingness to put them away out of my sight."
- Elizabeth Elliot

"If thou calls me to resign what most I prize, it ne'er was mine. I only give back to thee what is thine. Thy will be done."
-Jim Elliot

Conflict & God's Will

Conflict is such a interesting topic.  External conflict is one thing, but internal conflict is a whole new ball game.  And we all talk about how important communication is.  But honestly, when its most important to be effective in communication - we often drop the ball.  How should we expect others to understand what we are trying to say if we can't say it how we mean it?  And how are we supposed to interpret what they are saying if they can't say what they mean either?  Then its just one big, jumbled up miscommunication.  Wow.  Talk about an EPIC fail.  Lol!  I know its funny, but I'm serious.  I'm sure every last person on the planet has experienced this situation, at least once.

We also have what I guess I will call a conflict of wills.  My will vs. God's will.  But when you truly want God's will above all, you disregard any personal pain in order for God's ultimate will to be accomplished.  So then, you pray that God have his way in your life and submit your internal conflict to Him multiple times over so that He may have control and lead the way, whichever way that may be.  You recieve confirmation over and over again, you are patient, you wait, and continue to submit and follow His lead.  Then when the whole thing comes to a head and its time to say it now or forever hold your peace, you become vulnerable and lay it all bare.  The response catches you off guard.  Then that moment comes, you know the one.  Lol.  The one where you begin doubting who you were hearing from.  "I'm trusting you, Lord", turns into, "Can I still hear you, Lord?"  You remember how the scripture says that His sheep know His voice and you start to wonder if you've gone deaf.  "Why Lord, would you bring me here if you know how it ends?  Or did I listen to the lies of the enemy, thinking I heard from you?"  Its a scary place to be.

So here's where I find myself.  Praying and seeking the Lord, wondering who I'm listening to.  I thought I could hear God's voice, but now it feels like I've been fooled.  Ah, the fool, yet again.  In more ways than one.  This internal conflict led me here.  I just want to be near Him.  I want to hear Him.  I want to touch Him.  I want to feel Him close.  I want to see Him.  I love Jesus, my husband, my lover, my savior....so very much.  I just want to do anything and everything possible to make Him happy.  I want to put a smile on His face.  I want to please Him.  I want His will.  I want what He wants!!!!!!!!!  If that means dying to myself and my desires ten billion times a day, every single day of my life - then SO BE IT!

Favorite Recipes - Green Bean Almondine

Ok ya'll, seriously, I am failing as a blogger.  I will do better.  Promise!

So much is happening in and around my world and heart that it would take forever to explain it.  Long story, short: God is awesome.  God has healed my heart and I moved on to better things.  But that's a story for another post.  

I wanted to share with ya'll a delicious, healthy, simple recipe.  It's called Green Bean Almondine and its simply amazing!  Brooklyn, who happens to be the biggest junk food junkie, loves this stuff!

Here are your ingredients:

2 cups of fresh green beans

2 tsp unsalted - extra virgin olive oil butter

1/2 cup chopped green onion/shallots

1/4 cup silvered almonds

(you can buy the almonds whole and slice them yourself or but them pre-sliced like I do)

4-6 cups of water

Put butter in a small saucepan with heat on med-low.

Boil about 4-6 cups water in medium saucepan on high heat.

Add shallots/green onion to small saucepan

Add silvered almonds to small saucepan.  Saute.  I prefer mine a tad bit burnt...I think it adds more flavor.  

Check the water, make sure its boiling real good.  Add fresh green beans and parboil for 2 minutes or until they turn light green.  If you boil them much longer and they turn dark, they lose tons of nutrients that gives them their life force.

 Drain green beans

Rinse green beans with cool water until they are lukewarm.

This is what my mixture in the small saucepan looks like when its done.

Put green beans in your dish, add the mixture from the small saucepan.  

Voila!  The end result!  Green Bean Almondine!  Delish!!!

Enjoy!!!

The Truth is Setting Me Free....Seriously.

Ok everyone, please excuse me from being a terrible blogger.  I apologize for my extensive absence.  In my defense, I've been busy healing and reconnecting with my kids.  

I'm going to attempt to be completely honest with all of ya'll.  I do not like secrets or half-truths.  If it's going to be told, it needs to be the truth.  And the truth really does set you free.  So let my freedom ensue...

This year has been dreadfully difficult.  The day the new year came and I realized my husband was still cold as stone and wasn't going to change his mind about wanting a divorce, I took the first step to accepting reality for what it is.  Had I contemplated refusing to divorce him and convincing him of my undying love and devotion, at which time he would realize that he still loved me and wind would blow through my hair as we had an amazing kiss worthy of fireworks?  Certainly.  Was that reality?  No.  The truth was that he may have physically been there, but in every other way - he was already gone.  I had attempted to salvage our marriage twice before, and succeeded.  But this time I could feel it, he was already gone.  Nothing would change his mind this time.  January 1st, 2012 was the day I finally accepted that it was truly the beginning of the end.  It broke my heart and I cried, in desperate pain as I held my newborn daughter.  Talk about one heck of a way to ring in the new year, right?  

Cold, snowy winter in Northern New York was so beautiful the previous year.  But this year it was a constant reminder of my pain and loneliness.  I began growing bitter, like the northern cold.  January and February are really mostly a blur of trying to hold myself together and not completely die on the inside.  It was terrible dealing with the pain, seeing him everyday, and watching the distance grow between us.  He was never home, never made an attempt to reconcile, and was almost impossible to speak with.  So unfortunately, I gave up in every way so I could attempt to hold onto my sanity and keep it together for my kids while I also battled postpartum depression.  Nobody, including my ex-husband, even knew that I was dealing with postpartum depression.  So in his defense, I'm sure he wasn't intentionally cruel.  He was probably acting like any man who was feeling cold towards his wife and wants a divorce would act.  Lol.  I know that didn't sound too good, but he really didn't understand what I was going through.  I didn't feel it was my place to speak with him about all of my problems because I felt it wouldn't have been heard anyways.  I may have been wrong, but it is what it is.  All I know is that those two months were miserable.  I felt like I was being forced out of my home and robbed of everything I held dear.  I spent that time desperately attempting to ignore my emotions and dream about how good home would be.  

Separating all of our things into "his" and "hers" and then moving mine to the truck was one of the hardest things I've ever done.  It was one of the most gut-wrenching, heart-breaking things I've ever had to do.  I walked through the empty apartment on that last night and just cried and cried.  All the blank walls with all of the memories.  This was were both of my children were brought home after they were born.  This is where my husband returned to me after being in Afghanistan.  This is where my whole heart was.  My whole life with my husband and kids was here...and I had to leave it all behind.  I'll never forget that walk through the apartment.  Even after 4 months, it still triggers a heavy emotional response.  

March came and I found myself and my children in Arkansas living at my mother's house.  March was jam-packed with loneliness and tears.  It was terrible!  And my mother and I were arguing over every little thing because we weren't used to each other anymore.  I felt to out of place and helpless.  My chest hurt all the time and I couldn't seem to get myself out of a funk.  I don't even really remember March except for the massive blur of intense emotions.  I really felt like I was going to die.  I had started doing Beachbody stuff in March and doing the TurboFire workouts.  I did well for a while.  But it was so incredibly difficult to focus.  I wanted it to distract me.  But really, my emotions distracted me more and made it almost impossible to focus on anything.  

April came and I was gung-ho about getting out and living life!  I just wanted to wash the past away and have a night, or a weekend, or a week on the town.  I was definitely looking forward to my next trip to the liquor store most of the month.  But really, I was unknowingly attempting to mask the pain and shove it under a rug.  I spent a lot of time away from the house.  And the rest of the time, I was researching things to do with the kids or other ways to get out of the house.  April was all about escape.  And escape, I certainly did, a lot.  I just wanted to hide away from everything.

Here came May in all it's glory and I thought I was finally starting to get better.  But really, I was getting bitter and angry.  I thought I was getting stronger, more independent, and getting it together.  Wrong again.  I was getting bitter, putting up walls, shutting things and people out, and getting a generally angry feeling with everyone - especially my (then) husband.  I finally got the separation papers in the mail and suddenly my sadness turned to rage.  I barely even talked with my husband, but he was still the reason for all my pain and needed to suffer.  I can't even count the number of times I daydreamed about little plots to get revenge, even though I'd never really do them.  I wanted revenge.  I wanted him to suffer.  I wanted him to feel what I felt.  I wanted everything to bite him in the butt.  I wanted him to feel the weight and consequences of his decisions.  Oh I was so angry.  Was it healthy?  I'm not sure.  Was it normal, given my position in the divorce?  Definitely.  Was it a good example of a woman in pain who puts her trust in Jesus?  Woah - certainly not!  I'm definitely not condoning my feelings, behaviors, or Facebook status' at that time.  But I told ya'll I was gonna be honest.  

Ok so the end of May/beginning of June gets here and I stepped away from the Beachbody 90 day challenge.  I realized that I could not focus on it and be successful because I simply was not ready given my emotional status going to a default of crazy most days.  I wanted to do the challenge so bad and I certainly still will start it again, hopefully very soon.  But one thing at a time.  I needed to be healed in the head and heart before I could set my mind to something that intense.  But some days were so difficult, ya'll.  There were days that I didn't even have the motivation to get out of bed.  I just wanted to lay there and not even feel, let alone get up and do a good workout.  How was I going to motivate myself to workout when I couldn't even motivate myself to get going and be productive at all?  Anyways, with the end of May/beginning of June, I decided to stop ignoring everything.  That's the problem.  I didn't address the issue.  I swept it under a rug.  I ran from it.  I tried to drink it away at times.  I tried to be too busy to feel.  But the problem was still there, everywhere I went.  I was still heart-broken and not moving forward.  

On the 30th of May, the divorce was final.  When I got the paperwork a few days ago of the final divorce decree, I broke down.  You see, I decided to finally let myself feel the pain.  I decided to confront it, stare at it, and analyze it so I could finally get through it and start to really heal.  I decided to confront it with God's help and quit trying to do it on my own.  I won't get through this on my own.  I need God to help me.  And God has been showing me some things that even I didn't realize.  I've come to realize something I've always known...that I have to forgive my ex-husband.  I'm still very hurt and very angry, but I'm beginning to let it go.  I certainly don't have it all figured out and I'm nowhere near where I'm going to be, but I'm heading in the right direction.  It's funny because God has also been showing me my own heart.  I thought I would be on with my life and good on my own by now.  So why aren't I?  Well, it's because I do still care.  Just because he said he didn't love me and gave up on me doesn't mean that I ever really stopped loving him. If I did stop loving him, then it wouldn't hurt like it does.  Do I trust him?  No.  Do I think he deserves my attention or affection?  No.  Do I still love him?  Certainly.  I don't believe I ever stopped and I don't know that I ever will.  Does that mean I'd take him back if he came running?  No.  I'm not honestly sure what I'd do.  I'd probably want to hit him with a frying pan and give him a hug at the same time.  Do I forgive him?  I'm definitely trying.  Of course, these are my feeble and fickle feelings and in no way reflect God's will, because I don't know what that is.  But I do know that God has a plan.  I'm not sure what that plan is and I don't know why this had to happen.  But now that I'm not running from my true emotions, I'm beginning to get a hold on my life and sanity again.  *Beginning is the key word here*  I don't feel like I'm going to break down all the time.  When people ask questions and talk to me about things, I still feel very sad - but not destroyed anymore.  I can feel the strength starting to return to me.  I am so happy that I can finally focus on my kids.  I've been with them this entire time, but I've been so distant.  I couldn't emotionally connect with them because I was so torn over losing their father.  In trying to disconnect from him, I was disconnecting with them, too.  I didn't even realize it until I sat here and it dawned on me that my poor Lilly has been robbed.  I have been severely depressed and trying to keep my head above the water since before she was born.  I was so sad that I couldn't truly be there for her like I was with Brooklyn.  Given that when Brooklyn was her age, I was fighting against getting a divorce.  But I still had hope then.  I was trusting God and I just knew that it wasn't over then.  I had hope that my husband would wake up and come back to me, and he did.  But  Lilly has had to endure my emotional despair and it breaks my heart for her because I feel as if she's been cheated.  But thank God, I'm getting back to a place where I can focus on my kids emotionally and be there for them.  I want to invest in them and bond with them and it be positive.  I want them to feel positive energy from me, not this constant sadness that I've been trying to hide.  

Well, the need for sleep just hit me like a ton of bricks and I'm all but completely disoriented and want to stop right here and go to sleep.  But long story short, I'm healing.  Things are getting better.  I realize that I don't have to stop loving my ex-husband in order to heal and move on.  I have to forgive him and let go of the hurt, anger, and bitterness.  That's the key.  Whatever gave me the notion that in order for me to live again, I had to stop loving him because he said he didn't love me - and that if I continued to love him, I wouldn't be able to have a healed heart and move on with my life?  Ha - well love is exactly what I will need to keep in my heart because otherwise I would want to cause him harm when I saw him again.  I don't need to grow cold and bitter and lose my capacity to love.  My ability to love the way I do, wholeheartedly, is truly a gift.  Yes it causes me to be vulnerable and that's extremely scary given how I've been hurt.  But God is in control.  God is healing my heart and allowing me to see that it's not only ok, but good to love.  I'm going to stop fighting it and just see where this takes me. 

 Just to let ya'll know, my original intent for this post was to tell ya'll how happy I was that I can finally focus on my kids.  And let me tell you, I am indeed extremely happy about it.  The past few days have been wonderful.  We haven't done as much or been as busy as usual.  I've been spending much more daily time with the girls and really connecting with them.  It's been such a blessing to finally have the emotional capacity to really love and lavish love on my kids.  I feel like this is what they've needed all along and I'm finally healed enough to be able to give that to them.  It brings me so much joy, which in turn, is helping this healing process  even more.  Goodnight, ya'll.  Going to watch my beautiful, fairy-tale princesses sleep for a few and then go crash!  :)

Potty Training Boot Camp & Tool-Kit

Hey ya'll!

We began our absolute last attempt at potty training Brooklyn today!  She is 3 years and 2 months old, so it's about time.  We've tried before, but I realized that she wasn't ready.  The last time we tried, she was able...but not willing.  This time she's excited and I really believe a lot of it is due to her speech therapy.  I'm sure that sounds odd.  But our biggest obstacle thus far has been communication.  She couldn't understand me and I couldn't understand her.  It just wasn't working.  She has been in speech therapy now for about a month or two and she's made significant progress in her speech!  Now she is able and willing to potty, and able to communicate with me.  Yay!

We are on day 1.

  We started off the day in pull-ups because I didn't decide until about 1 o'clock to start the actual potty training boot camp, thanks to the motivation of my good friend, Kimberli.  So the chart below says pull-ups and 4 of the stickers under "potty w/ wet pull-up" were from earlier when she could just pee in her pull-up and get away with it.  So before I started, I quickly gathered up materials for the car.  I tossed her 'Cheer For Me Potty' (Fisher Price), wipes, two changes of clothes, and an extra pack of underwear in the trunk of my car for those "to-go" moments.  You know, when they've got to go potty and there is not one anywhere nearby.  Car being potty training prepped?  Check.

After I came back in, I gathered all the indoor supplies.  Lots of older pairs of underwear passed down from  my dear friend, Josie?  Check.  Princess potty seat?  Check.  Step stool Brooklyn got from her Uncle Marcus and soon-to-be Aunt Megan for her birthday?  Check.  Brooklyn's home-made potty chart made from excess poster-board that we didn't use at her birthday party?  Check.   Dora stickers I bought for this purpose, stuck up on top of the fridge, and then forgot about?  Check.  Leftover Hershey's chocolate bars from the smores we made a week or two ago, to be used for reward?  Check.  Anything else I needed?  Yes, I still needed to let Brooklyn pick out some brand new panties and choose her reward candy.  A short trip to Walmart after her speech therapy took care of those items.  

So it begins...dun, dun, dun!

Brooklyn was officially wearing panties by 2pm.  I hid her pull-ups and told her that I didn't know where they went, so we were going to have to wear panties like a big girl now.  She didn't object, at all.  Sweet!  She had two accidents at first, but just barely peed in them before she started yelling, "Pee Pee!  Pee Pee!!!!".  We ran for the potty.  As she pulled her soiled panties off she exclaimed, "YUCK!  Ewww...GROSS!"  Awesome - just the reaction I wanted.  She finished peeing in the potty both times!  Yay!  Brooklyn gets a piece of chocolate and a sticker of her choice for her chart.  Suddenly, she is all in and excited to go potty!  She went to speech therapy and Walmart, no accident.  We came home and she took a nap, no accident.  Immediately after the nap I asked her if she needed to go potty, to which she replied a hefty "No".  Then she had a small accident, darted for the bathroom, and finished in the potty!  Yay, Brooklyn!  You still get a reward because you tried, good job!  We went the rest of the evening without any accidents!!!  She even got up out of bed 3 times needing to go potty so she didn't pee in her panties.  Given, now she's having some trouble sleeping because she doesn't want to go in her panties or miss out on her chocolate treat.  But this shall pass.  Needless to say, Day 1 is going wonderful!  Keep us in your prayers that Day 2 goes even better.  

Our Toolkit:

Things My Divorce Taught Me

Well ya'll, I'm officially a single mother now, as of a week ago.  I can't really say that its much different than the separation was other than the fact that I am, indeed, single again.  It's so odd to not be Mrs. anymore.  Do I need that little "r" to be in my name to be whole?  Certainly not.  In a lot of ways, I'm reconnecting with myself again.  Ya'll know what I'm talking about.  Getting back in touch with "Who" you really are, and not in conjunction with a relationship.  I used to find so much of my self-worth in my identity as a wife, as a mother, as a military spouse.  But now I'm really getting the chance to reconnect with me, just as I am.  I'm listening to my country music now and I'm darn proud of it.  I'm not trying to force myself to like rock music to make someone else happy.  I'm getting back to my roots, enjoying the southern country-ness that I grew up in.  I'm not trying to hide my accent and become more interested in other lifestyles to keep someone else's attention.  I'm doing things I want to do and spending my time how I'd like to now.  I'm not spending all my spare time doing only the things that someone else is interested in so that they will want to spend time with me.  

My divorce has taught me a lot.  I truly believe that although it was intensely difficult, I have become a better and stronger person because of it.  First off, I've learned that I should never have to change who I am and what I'm about to attract and keep my man.  I'm not saying I had to change to attract my ex.  But rather, that I had to change a lot of things in order to keep him and his attention.  He wanted someone who he could share the things he liked with and them be interested in it too.  Well, we never saw eye to eye on that and it should've been a red flag.  Our interests were so different and I thought I'd grow to like the things he did or at least get used to them.  I guess I succeeded in that, therefore losing that part of myself in the process.  Moral of the story:  Find someone who likes the things you like.  Opposites may attract, but find difficulty staying together if both parties are not 100% invested in the relationship.  There is also much to be said about give and take.  It's hard when you give, give, give...and never receive.  Trust me.

Second, I've learned to not be so naive.  Don't just blindly trust someone!  Seriously, this was one of my biggest mistakes.  I took the man at his word, without a doubt in my mind.  Biggest mistake ever.  Make someone prove to you that they are trustworthy.  Make them prove themselves, that they will really be there when you need them too.  They may say all the right things, have all the right words, and the best excuses that could probably be the truth.  But actions speak one hundred-billion times louder than words.  Watch what they do.  Do they answer when you call?  When you desperately need that shoulder to cry on, are they  supposedly "busy"?  Of course there will be the moments when they truly are, but how often is this the reason?  Do their stories add up?  Seriously, do the math.  How long do they take to respond to you?  And if you find yourself thinking, "Well he's just trying to play it cool so he doesn't seem that attached.", or whatever excuse you make for him...think about it.  Do you really want someone who is going to avoid you and play mind games?  I mean, if you want to stay in the dating scene or you want to get in a serious relationship that's doomed to fail, go right ahead.  But if you want something serious, a lasting, life-long relationship with that person...think twice.  I'm telling you from personal experience...if they do it when you are getting together, they will do it throughout your relationship.  They will play games to test you, get what they want, or get the information they want - and it's all for personal gain and satisfaction without a care in the world about how it effects you or your emotions.  Personally, I don't know about ya'll...but I want someone who is going to be upfront and honest with me.  No mind games, no waiting for this and that to happen first, no stringing you along until they find someone to replace you.  Honest, upfront, blunt.  I want to hear, "This is what I'm looking for, this is what I want, this is where I want this to go.  This is what I don't want, this is what I'm trying to avoid, and if xyz is what you are looking for - then feel free to hit the road.  No hard feelings, just a friendship, take care of yourself and better luck next time."  I will do this for anyone else, too.  Maybe it's bold and forward, but it gets business taken care of without all of the unnecessary emotional tension in between.  No one wants to feel things for someone, be made a fool, and have their time wasted.  Life is short.  Why wait in anticipation for something that's not meant to be and won't work out? 

Third, marriage is not for the faint or weary of heart.  It takes two strong and grounded people to make a marriage work.  It takes two people who are willing to fight the good fight till the end, no matter what comes their way.  It takes two people who will never give up on each other.  It takes two people going into it with their eyes and hearts wide open.  It takes two people who will love each other unconditionally - even when they don't feel "in love", even when they look horrible, even when they are sick, even when they are at their worst and lowest - no matter what!  Marriage is not something to take lightly.  When you say, "I do" - it's forever.  If you don't feel like you are in love with your spouse anymore, you stick it out till you fall back in love with them again.  A successful marriage happens when two people fall in love many, many times in a lifetime - but always with the same person!  It takes two people willing to compromise, bend a little, give in a little, sacrifice a little.  It takes two people who will put the other's best interests and feelings above their own.  Simply put.  Not all the flowery feelings and sweet nothings, though they are nice.  But true love - defined by action as well as words, unconditionally, forever.  If that is not something you are willing to do, commit to, and dedicate yourself and your life to...then don't get married.  And if you know you would do all of this, but are unsure of your significant other's desire or ability to do all those things...then don't get married.  Trust me when I tell you that you can have all this in your heart, but if the apple of your eye isn't doing the same...it will end, painfully.  

Don't get me wrong, ya'll.  Love is a beautiful, many splendid thing.  God knows that it is one of my heart's deepest desires to find real love and have the kind of marriage I've described above.  It's something I've yet to find anywhere but in my dreams.  But I do hope to find it someday...and sooner than later in my personal opinion.  I'd love to have a partner in life, to feel like my family was complete again, and have someone alongside me to raise my beautiful girls.  But if that's not coming anytime soon, that's ok.  And if its not in the cards for me at all, that's ok too.  I've learned, like Paul said, that I need to be content in whatever situation I'm in.  If I'm married, be content.  If I'm single, be content.  Life is now.  This moment is here at this time and I'll never have it again.  I can't go back to yesterday.  I can't go forward to tomorrow.  All I have is right now.  So I'm going to have the best, most amazing right now...right now!  Let go of the past, let go of your worries, and live in the moment.  It's literally all you've got.  So make it the best you possibly can and love every minute of it!  :)

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This video is of my oldest child, Brooklyn.  She was doing her "Georgia Peaches Dance".  It's way...too...cute.

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